WHAT IS INTERNALISED MISOGYNY AND HOW IS IT AFFECTING YOU?

What is Internalised Misogyny

and How is it Affecting You?

“I’m not like other girls.”

It’s a statement that you’ve probably heard at some point, be it from the mouths of strangers, your friends or you’ve even potentially said it to yourself as you’ve enjoyed something not commonly associated with women.

Recently, I came across a worrying trend on TikTok where girls were introducing themselves as ‘the reason why other girls hate [them].’ The trend was filled with young women imitating handshakes, smiling over a rather angsty track as the text read things like, ‘Hi, I’m Jessica and I’m pretty’ or ‘I’m Leah, and I have a nice figure.’ Whilst it’s lovely to see young women who are proud of their appearance, there’s something that this trend shares with the statement ‘I’m not like other girls’ that is, ultimately, harmful.

It’s internalised misogyny.

What exactly is internalised misogyny? Essentially, it’s the way that we, as women, have taken on board everything that society tells us is wrong with our gender, often leading to us judging other women and ourselves with a harsher eye than we might judge men. It has some rather unfavourable results. Namely, it can force us to think that we are in a constant competition with other women, valued only by how men see us and always working towards the sole purpose of a married life and motherhood.

As we’re all probably aware, the media constantly encourages us to hate women for their looks, their life choices, their interests, their relationship status or lack thereof – anything really – and internalising this, we end up applying those same judgements to the women in our own lives. You might be thinking that this all sounds a little bit extreme. Surely in 2021, women don’t think their only value is their looks, or judge other women by the same unattainable standards as the media? However, those Tiktoks that I saw are proof of it; internalised misogyny is sneaky, and it creeps into our lives in ways we may not even initially recognise.

For example, any unhealthy participation in diet and beauty culture is a result of internalised misogyny. Do you find yourself thinking ‘I’ll be much happier when I’m smaller, fitter or less spotty?’ Of course, there’s nothing wrong with taking pride in one’s appearance. However, if you base your happiness upon future goals in relation to looks or weight, you may have internalised some sexist beliefs that women are required to look a certain way in order to hold a valuable place in our society.

This is perfectly normal and understandable, as consumerism and the media work together to convince us of this from the moment we enter the world. But it’s also incredibly damaging. We must, therefore, remember the difference between taking pride in our appearance because it’s what we want to look like and taking pride in our appearance because it fits into society’s conventions of beauty. They’re often two different things!

Women are also encouraged to berate ourselves for any ‘feminine’ qualities that we may hold. Perhaps you’re quite emotional, laugh very loudly or enjoy commanding a room? These are not qualities to be ashamed of, yet for centuries, women have been called irrational, hysterical or bossy when we appear to have them. Unfortunately, those judgements seem to be reserved for women, so it’s vital to evaluate any negative thoughts about the way you may have acted within, or reacted to a situation. Always remember to question, if a man acted in the same manner, would I perceive him in the same negative way?

Perhaps one of the saddest ways we judge ourselves and other women due to internalised misogyny is in relation to conventionally female interests. Society seems to automatically place a low cultural value on anything that is classically enjoyed by women: romantic novels/films, pop music, fashion, astrology and spiritualism...the list is endless. As a teenager, I was so ashamed of my love for One Direction that I only ever shared it with a few close friends, whilst my brother was able to be open and proud of his love for Game of Thrones and games such as Call of Duty and Assassin’s Creed.

Furthermore, older women are often shamed for continuing their teenage interests into adulthood, whilst many men still freely enjoy conventionally male interests such as Sci-fi and fantasy fiction well into their middle age. This is a classic example of internalised misogyny, as whilst us women are encouraged to conform to femininity, we are also taught to be endlessly ashamed of it if we do. Therefore, it’s important to remember that all interests are valid, and that something isn’t immediately less ‘cultural’ or ‘worthy’ simply because women are its target audience.

Thankfully, we are rapidly moving towards a world with a much better understanding of the gender construct and how it affects our views of the world around us. However, no matter how much we may think we are living in an equal society, internalised misogyny is an inescapable part of each and every one of us. There’s really no way to combat it other than remaining aware of its existence and checking in with ourselves as often as possible.

So, the next time you find yourself judging something remotely related to femininity – be it you, a friend, a celebrity, a film, a book (anything at all, really) – ask yourself ‘is my judgement based upon what I actually believe, or what society has taught me to believe?’.